It has only been seven years since Rama was exiled. Who knows if he will ever come back. Who knows if he is even still alive. Before this, things were great. Ayodhya was the center of the country and it was poised to be the center of the world when Rama was set to take over. But that vile queen took all that away from us. I truly hate that woman. I think everyone does. Even her own son hates her for what she did!
Bharata isn't a bad guy. He's a great guy in fact. He does his best, but he certainly isn't Rama. This would have never happened had Rama been given the throne that he deserved. That evil woman. Naturally, she hasn't shown her face in public in years. Not that that she anything good wold happen if she did anyway. Hopefully we never have to see her again.
If I had the money, I would just move to Mithila City. It was very beautiful when we went for the wedding. It wasn't as great as our city was, but it was very nice. I still remember the wedding like it was yesterday. Such a joyous occasion. I miss that feeling. We should have moved when Rama was first sent away. Now we barely even have money for food, much less enough to move so far away. We should have seen this coming. Everything else went to hell without Rama, why wouldn't the economy?
It was bad enough that he had to leave, but Lakshmana and Sita too?! And King Dasharatha?! They could have at least held this place together until Rama came home. Home....this place isn't home anymore. It's more of a prison. Even if Rama ever did come back, he probably wouldn't recognize this place. And if he did, why would he want to live here? No one wants to live here now. Thanks to that despicable queen.
Trolls - Clint Eastwood video at Youtube
Author's Note: In the original story, it is said that Ayodhya had become stricken with grief. My story is the thoughts of a citizen reflecting on what was and what now is, and who is believed to be responsible.
Bibliography. The Indian Story Book: Rama's Quest by Richard Wilson. Illustrated by Frank Pape. Web Source.
I really like that this story was told from an unnamed citizen of the city. It felt much more real not knowing their name because this could be ANYBODY within the city. You did a great job of conveying their disgust and sadness about the state of what was once such a beautiful place, and it really works with how vague the setting is as well.
ReplyDeleteJeremy,
ReplyDeleteGood story! At first, I was confused at who the narrator was.. it would be a great idea to introduce the citizen before telling his opinion. It would also be cool to make it into a journal entry or something; adding more detail always makes the story more engaging. The content and the perspective you gave to Ayodhya was great, so I would build on that to make it even lengthier and more in-depth. Also, I would add a few sentences in your author's note just in case the readers want more background of your writing. Great work!
Jeremy, choosing to write from the perspective of a citizen makes the story one-sided, but this is good because we get a different perspective of the events and can understand the anger that this person feels. I would suggest experimenting with sentence length to make the reading flow more smoothly and make it that much more intriguing. Also, expanding on the author's note might be helpful to the reader. Good job on this!
ReplyDeleteHey Jeremy! I was a little confused about who was speaking at first, but your author's note cleared that up quickly! I love that you decided to write in the point of view of a random citizen because we never heard what it was like from their point of view. The Ramayana revolved around Rama, his parents, his brother, his wife, and his enemy. Never really talked about the kingdom's citizens, so I think your story was creative in that aspect! Great job!
ReplyDeleteHi Jeremy!
ReplyDeleteWow, this story was great! I think you did a wonderful job exposing the mental anguish, along with the more material deficiencies that Ayodhya might have suffered during Rama's exile. It was extremely creative and well done. I also like that you kept the speaker anonymous. I think it was a good way to illustrate that who the person is doesn't matter, it's the thoughts that any random resident of the city might be feeling. Well done!
Hey Jeremy,
ReplyDeleteI think it is funny that you included that Trolls video. Very entertaining! Overall the story seems so gloomy. I remember how emotional it was reading the Ramayana when Rama is banished, so I don't blame you for your really gloomy writing. The citizen perspective is especially helpful to a reader like me, because I love imagining the different perspectives on the story. Super interesting idea, Jeremy.